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Title:  I’m Gettin Nothin for Christmas

Author: Gedry
Pairings: Dean/Cas, Elijah/Adam, Sam/Hel From my schmoop, kiss, and f-list bingo verse)

Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 660

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers:  none

Summary: For Mulder200 who asked for explaining Christmas traditions to angels. 


No beta, my bad!



I’m Gettin Nothin for Christmas


By the time they’re finished trying to explain it Adam has started drinking, Dean’s slid back against the couch with a hand over his face, and Sam has a headache that feels like it’s going to split his head right open. 


The three angels sit on the coffee table in an orderly row.  They absorb the information with flat affects and no fan-fair.  At the end there is a pause and it’s for a moment frighteningly like they have some kind of mental link with each other as Cas says “What?”


Followed by Elijah adding “The?”


And Hel bringing it home with “Fuck?”


Dean makes a strangled noise and Adam spits beer out on the carpet.   Sam hangs his head with a groan and blurts “I just don’t get what you guys aren’t understanding about this.”


“Let’s recap,” Cas says slowly.  “You’re telling us that the human idea of celebrating the birth of Christ….”


He’s interrupted by Elijah muttering “Not even the right day.”


Cas keeps going with a quick flip of his wrist asking for silence like he was never cut off.  “Is to envision that a large, fat man, that is not entirely human breaks into their homes one night a year and leaves them gifts based on how well they have maintained themselves throughout the year.  That this….Santa, watches them all the time, knows when they are sleeping and awake and that you all find this horrific tail involving forced labor of a species of elves, animal abuse, and breaking and entering as a warm and loving childhood memory.”


Sam opens his mouth to answer but nothing comes out. 


“Not to mention,” Elijah adds with crossed arms and an evil glare; “that human parents are using this fictitious tail of gift giving as a way to manipulate their children into good behavior.”


Adam starts to giggle and Sam ponders how much he’s had to drink by now. 


“You got anything to add to this?” Dean asks Hel as he peaks his eye out from behind his hands. 


“It’s a custom to still exchange gifts as adults right?” Hel asks. 


“Yes,” Sam blurts loudly, trying desperately to latch onto to something good about this whole mess of a conversation.  “It’s done in the celebratory spirit of the day.  Dean and I still give each other presents.”


“Porn,” Hel says with a look on her face that says volumes.  “You give each other porn and chocolate bars and car parts in the spirit of the sacrifices that Christ made for the sins of your people.”


Dean squeaks like someone is poking him hard in the nuts. 


“That’s what I thought,” Hel snorts.  “Well I think your whole species is full of shit about the whole thing but it sounds like a good excuse to party so I’m in.  Do we draw names for who to buy for or what?” 


Elijah raises an eyebrow but nods along and quick glance at Cas shows that he’s probably got a better idea about the whole thing than he’s letting on as he shrugs as though he doesn’t really care. 


Sam thinks he probably already has a detailed list stuffed away in his coat of what gifts he wants to get for everyone. 


He’s suddenly irritated by the whole thing, why does he have to be the responsible one all the time? 


“Fuck all you guys,” he huffs as he stalks out of the room and away from his wife’s laughter. 


She makes it up to him later with a rousing rendition of Santa Baby, sung entirely in the nude. 


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 25th, 2010 05:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks for this fic! Every time I read about Adam and Elijah, I do a little happy dance of squee in my chair :) And yay for the angels pulling Sam's, Dean's and Adam's legs!
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! XD
Dec. 25th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
Hehe, this made me giggle. :)
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad!
Dec. 25th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
I love Adam and Elijah. This was just brilliant
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
I do too thanks so much!
Dec. 25th, 2010 07:42 pm (UTC)
lol, Cas's whole explanation of the whole process is so freaking funny. Eli and Hel's additions are also hilarious. I can't stop laughing. xDD Oh, by the way, happy birthday, love! I hope the day treats you well.
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
I'm glad it made you smile. Thank you!
Dec. 25th, 2010 08:39 pm (UTC)
LMAO! OMG! This was just perfect And yeah, when you think about the angels have a point. That does sound stupid.

And I just love that Sam gets all bent out of shape over it.

Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
That's Sammy!
Dec. 25th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
Hhahahahahaha! Best xmas explaination, EVER! Merry Christmas, darling. ::swansmooches::
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
Dec. 25th, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
OMG! This was amazingly hilarious.
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC)
Dec. 26th, 2010 07:10 am (UTC)
A tail is a body part; a tale is a story. :) I haven't read the original 'verse yet, but I agree with Cas, Elijah, and Hel's WTF interpretation. In real-world terms, Santa would be a creepy sleezeball, not someone you'd encourage your kids to sit with for a Kodak moment.
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC)
You can tell I write too many stories with tails in them. LOL
Dec. 26th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
They are all nuts!
Dec. 26th, 2010 11:44 pm (UTC)
Dec. 27th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
LOL! You're the best! Hope you had a good holiday.
Dec. 27th, 2010 11:05 pm (UTC)
It was fun. Hope yours was as well. Thank you!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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