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Title:  You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out

Author: Gedry
Pairings: Adam/Elijah (from my kiss, schmoop, and F-list bingo verses)

Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 730

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers:  none
Warnings: None

Summary: For angel_gospel who asked for Adam trying to teach Elijah about Santa


No beta, my bad!



You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out


“He’s not going to fit,” Elijah murmurs one night in December while they’re sitting on the couch in their tiny living room reading. 


“Who?” Adam asks distractedly. 


“The fat red man,” Elijah answers.  “The one you call Santa.  He’s too large to effectively squeeze down our chimney.”


Adam puts the book away because he can tell already that this is going to be one of those discussions.  “Okay,” he starts.  “First, we don’t have a chimney.  Second, Santa isn’t real.”


“You are mistaken,” Elijah counters.  “Much of your holiday traditions revolve around this overly obese elf.  It’s very odd.  Elves aren’t normally known for their girth and or their kindness.  You would think that people would encourage him to stay away as they do every other thing that tries to break into their homes.  I still don’t understand how you humans think.”


“Santa is not an elf,” Adam argues before he can stop himself and then rolls his eyes. 


“He clearly is,” Elijah comments.  “A magical being for certain and as he lives with elves it is the most likely choice.  It’s a pity we’ll have to terminate him.  He’s far too powerful to be left roaming free.  I supposed children will be sad next year.  But humanity will eventually adjust to not being held captive by his spell.”


“We are NOT terminating Santa,” Adam says darkly.  At the angel’s odd look he says “E, I promise.  Santa isn’t even real.”


The angel shoots him a look that says Adam is clearly in the wrong and that’s how they leave it for the night.  Sometimes agreeing to disagree is all you can do to save your relationship.


In the morning the first thing Adam does is drag Elijah out to the local mall.  It’s a few weeks before Christmas and the whole place is packed with itty bitty children who are clamoring to sit on Santa’s lap and whisper their secret wishes for gifts into his all knowing ear. 


“I did not realize there were so many renditions of jingle bells,” Elijah comments and Adam groans as yet another round of happy Christmas Carols belts out over the malls speaker system. 


“I hate the mall at Christmas,” Adam mutters. 


“Why is that?” Elijah questions as he gracefully manages to avoid knocking into some of the more aggressive shoppers with an ease that is clearly not human. 


“I worked at a mall when I was teenager,” Adam snorts.  “It was hell at the holidays.”


“But this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year,” Elijah whispers as though Adam is breaking some kind of code. 


“Not for the mall employees,” Adam chuckles.  “This time of year is a little bit like hell.”


 They finally make it to their destination and Adam can tell right away when Elijah gets it.  The mall Santa is clearly just a human being trying to make a paycheck.  But the kids are excited and the parents are all acting like idiots.  Adam shrugs as if to indicate that things are as they should be. 


He’s surprised when Elijah slips behind him and clings tightly to the back of his jacket.  “I would like to go now,” the angel mutters. 


“E?” Adam questions; suddenly full of concern.  “Are you scared of the mall Santa?”


“He’s a false idol,” Elijah spits as he backs slowly away, taking Adam with him by the forceful hold he has on his jacket.  “It’s not real, dishonest.”


“Okay man,” Adam soothes as he wraps his arm around Elijah and presses a kiss to the side of his face.  “We’ll leave no problem.”


“Thank you,” Elijah whispers.  He refuses to take his eyes off the Santa until they are well around the corner and out of sight. 


“You scared of clowns too?” Adam teases as they make their way through the parking lot and back to the car. 


“Sam has informed me that they are second in evil only to Lucifer himself,” Elijah answers in all seriousness. 


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 16th, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
Mall Santas are scary. This was funny.
Dec. 17th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
Yes they are!
Dec. 16th, 2010 05:27 pm (UTC)
Scary, scary fake santas! I never wanted to sit on some strange guy's lap, which, okay sounds pervy, but yeah. And clowns! They are creepy! Though, I find the shoes funny.

Love this.
Dec. 17th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! Love you!
Dec. 16th, 2010 06:02 pm (UTC)
I come home from work after a tiring day and you wrote MY FAVOURIE pairing! Now, I want to re-read the whole Adam/Elijah verse :)
Dec. 17th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
YAY! This makes me so happy!
Dec. 16th, 2010 07:15 pm (UTC)
That was hilarious! :p
Dec. 17th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
Dec. 16th, 2010 08:48 pm (UTC)
Aww, Elijah. He's so sweet.
Dec. 17th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC)
He really is!
Dec. 17th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC)
Oh my gosh, this is adorable! Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! Everything that came out of Elijah's mouth, as well as Adam trying to soothe him, made me grin so huge! <3
Dec. 17th, 2010 02:13 am (UTC)
And you'll probably be totally confused, so I should rectify by saying, this is my other account, lol. I'm writing an essay, so I wasn't paying attention to which I was on. ^^;
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
It's no problem! I will take love where ever I can find it! LOL XD
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:21 am (UTC)
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! YAY!
Dec. 17th, 2010 05:23 am (UTC)
As a parent who researched all of the local Santa's before settling on one that was nice and patient and wonderful (and now I owe my son a violin, because that is what he wants and no he didn't want this 3 weeks ago, back then he wanted a guitar, but his fingers are too small for one so the 'helpful' sales assistant in the guitar shop suggested a violin less then 4 weeks before Christmas ... hmmm, anyway) I can confirm that there are some very weird Santa's out there.

Poor Elijah, it is so confusing this world of ours :-)

Dec. 17th, 2010 03:06 pm (UTC)
He is confused! Violen! WOW I have never learned to play an instrument. I hope you find one!!
Dec. 17th, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)
Ah! How cute!

And I can't blame Elijah for wanting to leave.

Hm. I wonder how Cas would handle it! Hint, hint!
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:07 pm (UTC)
LOL XD are you hinting me?
Dec. 17th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
:D Of course. Explaining Christmas traditions to angels? Fun times for all!
Dec. 20th, 2010 06:37 pm (UTC)
Dec. 17th, 2010 10:05 am (UTC)
"We are not terminating Santa"
Lol. Oh god this was so funny.
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:07 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! XD
Dec. 27th, 2010 02:49 am (UTC)
“You scared of clowns too?” Adam teases as they make their way through the parking lot and back to the car.

“Sam has informed me that they are second in evil only to Lucifer himself,” Elijah answers in all seriousness.

My kids did not do clowns or Santa I tried when they were little and got a lot of screaming and crying. LOL, now that my son is an adult he is always trying to get me to take pictures with Santa at the mall or the Easter bunny and he knows I am Muslim!

Poor Elijah he is going to fear the fat man. I hope it does not ruin his Holiday. I think they should go to a circus soon! HAHA!
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:46 am (UTC)
GAH! My husband and his brother hate clowns! LOL
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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